If I could sit down today with the young man I was at eighteen,
I wonder if he would listen to me.
Probably not.
At eighteen, I thought I knew quite a bit about life.
At eighty-two, I realize how little I actually knew.
I would be looking at a young man who had no idea where the next sixty-four years were going to take him.
He couldn't imagine the victories.
He couldn't imagine the failures.
He couldn't imagine the people he would love, the things he would lose, the mistakes he would make, or the grace God would show him.
So what would I tell him?
I think I would begin with this:
Don't Be in Such a Hurry
At eighteen, everything seems urgent.
You want to get somewhere.
You want a career.
You want money.
You want adventure.
You want people to respect you.
You think life is waiting somewhere down the road and you need to hurry up and get there.
I would tell that young man:
Slow down. This is life.
The ordinary days you are rushing through will someday become the memories you would give almost anything to experience again.
Listen longer when your parents talk.
Spend more time with the people you love.
Take the photograph.
Make the telephone call.
Say, "I love you."
Someday you will discover there are no ordinary days.
Don't Be Afraid of Hard Things
I would tell that eighteen-year-old young man that some difficult roads are going to be ahead of him.
There will be times when life knocks him flat.
There will be disappointments.
There will be financial struggles.
There will be failures.
There will be things lost that cannot be replaced.
There will be moments when starting over seems impossible.
Start over anyway.
I've learned something during eighty-two years:
You are stronger than you think you are.
Some of the things I once thought would destroy me eventually became part of the story that strengthened me.
Money Matters—But Not as Much as You Think
I would tell my eighteen-year-old self to work hard.
Save money.
Avoid foolish debt.
Build something.
Take chances when the opportunity makes sense.
But never confuse money with success.
I've made money.
I've lost money.
I've owned things.
I've lost things.
And after eight decades, I can tell you something:
Things are replaceable. Time isn't.
You can rebuild a house.
You can replace a car.
You can earn another dollar.
But you cannot buy another afternoon with someone who is gone.
Spend your money carefully.
Spend your time even more carefully.
Choose Your Friends Carefully
Not everyone who walks beside you is going where you are going.
Some people will encourage you.
Some will challenge you.
Some will stand beside you when everybody else disappears.
Those people are treasures.
Others will waste your time, discourage your dreams, or pull you toward things you know aren't right.
Learn the difference.
And when you find a true friend, don't take that friendship for granted.
Don't Let Failure Define You
Young people sometimes believe a mistake follows them forever.
It doesn't have to.
You are going to make bad decisions.
I certainly did.
You're going to trust people you shouldn't have trusted.
You're going to miss opportunities.
You're going to say things you wish you could take back.
You're going to look back occasionally and wonder,
"What in the world was I thinking?"
Learn from it.
Apologize when you're wrong.
Fix what you can.
Then keep moving.
A mistake can become a teacher
if you refuse to let it become your identity.
Take More Chances
This one might surprise that eighteen-year-old boy.
I wouldn't tell him to play life safe.
Quite the opposite.
I'd tell him:
Take the trip.
Try the business.
Buy the sailboat.
Learn the skill.
Tell her how you feel.
Go see what's over the horizon.
There are certainly foolish risks in life.
Avoid those.
But don't confuse fear with wisdom.
Some of the greatest memories of my life began when I stepped into something without knowing exactly how it would end.
Your Family Will Matter More Than You Can Imagine
At eighteen, you are thinking about yourself.
That's normal.
But one day your world will include a wife, children, grandchildren, and people whose happiness matters more to you than your own.
Treasure them.
There will be disagreements.
There will be difficult seasons.
Families aren't perfect because people aren't perfect.
Forgive quickly.
Don't allow pride to steal years from relationships.
One day you will understand that having people around you who love you is one of the richest forms of wealth a man can possess.
Take Care of Your Body
At eighteen, your body seems indestructible.
It isn't.
That young man can eat almost anything, work all night, sleep a few hours, and get up ready to go again.
He thinks that will last forever.
It won't.
Exercise.
Watch your weight.
Take care of your teeth.
Protect your hearing.
Get enough sleep.
And when something doesn't seem right, get it checked.
At eighty-two, you discover that many decisions made decades ago eventually send you a bill.
Don't Worry So Much About What People Think
This might be one of the biggest lessons.
At eighteen, approval seems important.
You want to fit in.
You worry about what people say.
You compare yourself with everybody around you.
I would tell that young man:
Most people aren't thinking about you nearly as much as you imagine.
Live by your principles.
Keep your word.
Treat people fairly.
Do what you believe is right.
And accept the fact that some people won't like you.
You'll survive.
Keep Your Sense of Humor
Life can get mighty serious.
Don't become so serious that you forget how to laugh.
Laugh at yourself.
Laugh with your family.
Tell the old stories.
Enjoy the ridiculous moments.
Some of the memories that will make you smile at eighty-two will be things that didn't seem particularly important when they happened.
And Most Important—Don't Wait to Find God
If I could tell that eighteen-year-old young man only one thing, this would probably be it.
You're going to spend years believing you are in control.
You aren't.
There will be moments when your intelligence won't be enough.
Your strength won't be enough.
Your money won't be enough.
Your plans won't be enough.
You are going to need something greater than yourself.
You're going to need God.
Don't wait until life brings you to your knees to start looking for Him.
Put Christ at the center early.
It won't mean you avoid every storm.
It means you won't face the storms alone.
One Last Thing
Before that eighteen-year-old version of me got up and walked away,
I'd probably stop him.
I'd look at that young face—full of confidence, dreams, impatience, and absolutely no idea what's coming—and tell him:
You're going to have quite a life.
Not a perfect life.
Not an easy life.
But a life worth living.
You're going to love.
You're going to lose.
You're going to succeed.
You're going to fail.
You're going to laugh.
You're going to cry.
You're going to see places you never imagined seeing and experience things that eighteen-year-old boy couldn't possibly predict.
And one morning, if God grants you the years, you're going to wake up at eighty-two and wonder:
How did it all go by so fast?
So don't waste it, young man.
Love your family.
Keep your word.
Work hard.
Take the adventure.
Forgive people.
Laugh often.
Trust God.
And remember:
The years ahead of you may seem endless.
They aren't.
Make them count.
— Michael Cunningham Sr.
82 Years — 82 Lessons
