82 Years — 82 Lessons: Are We Losing the Art of Conversation?
We have more ways to communicate than at any time in human history. So why does it seem like nobody knows how to talk to anybody anymore?
I'm 82 years old, and I've watched the world change in ways I never could have imagined when I was a boy growing up in Houston.
I've watched television go from a novelty to something that dominates our living rooms. I've watched telephones go from party lines and rotary dials to little computers we carry in our pockets. I've watched the Internet connect people on opposite sides of the world in seconds.
And somewhere along the way, I believe we lost something important.
The art of conversation.
When People Actually Talked to Each Other
When I was growing up, people sat on front porches and talked. Neighbors knew their neighbors. Families gathered around the dinner table, and conversation was part of the meal.
Nobody had a cell phone sitting beside their plate.
If you wanted to talk to somebody, you went to see them. You knocked on their door. You sat down, maybe had a cup of coffee, and visited.
And here's something younger generations might find hard to believe.
We could sit together for hours without anybody looking at a screen!
When I was a young Marine in the 1960s, we didn't have text messages, Facebook, or smartphones. We talked to one another. We argued about politics, discussed girls, told stories, and sometimes just sat together enjoying the company.
We didn't always agree.
But we knew how to disagree without declaring war on one another.
Today, Everybody Is Talking, but Nobody Is Listening
Look around the next time you go to a restaurant.
You may see a family of four sitting at a table, each staring at a phone.
Four people. Four screens. Almost no conversation.
I've even seen people sitting across from one another texting instead of talking.
Now tell me something.
Is that progress?
We have Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, X, Bluesky, and more ways to reach people than I can count.
We can tell thousands of strangers what we had for breakfast.
We can argue with somebody halfway around the world.
We can post photographs, videos, opinions, and comments every hour of the day.
But how often do we sit down, look another human being in the eye, and genuinely listen?
We've Forgotten How to Disagree
Here's where I'm probably going to make somebody mad.
I believe social media has helped turn ordinary disagreements into personal battles.
Somebody expresses an opinion, and instead of asking why they believe it, people immediately start attacking.
You're either on my side or you're my enemy.
You're either a conservative or a liberal.
You're either right or you're an idiot.
What happened to saying, "I don't agree with you, but I'd like to hear why you think that way"?
I'm a Christian, a Marine veteran, and a man with some strong opinions. Believe me, I don't mind a good argument.
But there's a difference between having a discussion and trying to destroy somebody because they disagree with you.
If your opinion cannot survive a respectful question, maybe your opinion needs a little more examination.
And that applies to me just as much as anybody else.
Are We Raising a Generation That Doesn't Know How to Converse?
I wonder about our children and grandchildren.
They're growing up in a world where almost every answer is a click away.
But information isn't wisdom.
And exchanging messages isn't necessarily having a conversation.
Can we still teach young people how to listen patiently, ask thoughtful questions, look someone in the eye, and disagree respectfully?
Of course we can.
But we have to demonstrate those habits ourselves.
We can't complain that young people spend too much time on their phones while we're sitting in the same room scrolling through Facebook.
And I include myself in that criticism.
There's Something a Screen Cannot Replace
I've lived long enough to lose friends and family members I would give almost anything to sit down with one more time.
Not to send them a text.
Not to leave a comment on their Facebook page.
Just to sit across from them, have a cup of coffee, hear their voice, and talk.
Maybe laugh about something foolish we did years ago.
Maybe settle an old disagreement.
Maybe say something we should have said while we still had the opportunity.
When those people are gone, you discover something important.
You don't miss their text messages nearly as much as you miss their voices.
My Lesson After 82 Years
Technology is not the enemy.
I use it myself. I publish a blog, write books, and participate on social media. I even have some fascinating conversations with artificial intelligence.
And I enjoy every bit of it.
But technology should help us communicate, not replace the human connection that makes conversation meaningful.
Here's my challenge.
The next time you sit down with your family, put the phones away for thirty minutes.
Ask somebody how they're really doing.
Then listen to the answer.
Call an old friend instead of sending a text.
Visit somebody you haven't seen in years.
And the next time someone disagrees with you, try asking them why before deciding they're wrong.
You might learn something.
At 82, I'm still learning.
And I hope I never stop.
Now It's Your Turn!
Have we lost the art of conversation, or am I just an old Marine who misses the way things used to be?
Do smartphones and social media bring us closer together, or are they slowly driving us apart?
And here's the question I really want answered:
Could your family sit through an entire dinner without anybody touching a phone?
I want to hear what you think. Agree with me, disagree with me, or tell me I'm completely wrong.
I can take it. After all, I survived Marine Corps boot camp!
Visit https://mikesobservations.com and use the Contact page to join the conversation.
Michael Cunningham Sr.
Marine Veteran | Author | Evangelist | Observer of Life
Eight Decades of Faith · Service · Adventure · A Life Well Lived
