By Michael Cunningham Sr.
When I was growing up, nobody worried much about whether children were having a difficult day.
We had chores to do, rules to follow, and responsibilities to meet. If we got into trouble at school, chances were we would be in more trouble when we got home.
We played outside until dark. We climbed trees, rode bicycles without helmets, got into arguments, settled most of them ourselves, and learned that life wasn't always fair.
Nobody handed us a trophy just for showing up.
And somehow, most of us survived.
But here's a question I've been thinking about at 82 years old.
Were we raised tougher, or were we simply expected to endure things that children shouldn't have had to endure?
I believe the answer is a little of both.
When Children Were Expected to Grow Up
I grew up in a time when children were expected to contribute to the family.
By the time I was eleven, I was helping take care of my younger brothers. My Dad worked, and my mother was sick and in and out of hospitals for awhile. There were things that simply had to be done.
Nobody asked whether I felt emotionally prepared for the responsibility.
It was part of life.
Looking back, I believe those early responsibilities helped develop my independence, work ethic, and ability to handle difficult situations.
Later, when I entered Marine Corps boot camp in 1962, I learned an entirely new meaning of discipline.
Nobody asked whether I was comfortable. Nobody lowered the standards because something was difficult.
You either learned to meet the challenge or worked harder until you could.
Those experiences helped shape the man I became.
But I also understand something today that I didn't understand when I was young.
Being tough and being emotionally healthy are not necessarily the same thing.
Have We Gone Too Far in the Other Direction?
Today, I sometimes wonder whether we have become so concerned about protecting children from disappointment that we are failing to prepare them for adulthood.
Some parents seem determined to remove every obstacle from their children's lives.
If a child receives a poor grade, the teacher gets blamed.
If a child doesn't make the team, somebody questions the coach.
If a child is unhappy, the immediate response is to change the circumstances rather than help the child learn to handle them.
Of course, not every parent behaves this way. Many are doing an outstanding job raising responsible, hardworking young people.
But I believe there's a real danger in teaching children that every uncomfortable experience is something from which they must be rescued.
Life doesn't work that way.
Employers won't always praise you.
Your neighbors won't always agree with you.
You won't always get the job, the promotion, or the recognition you think you deserve.
And sometimes, despite doing everything right, you will fail.
Children need to learn that disappointment is not destruction.
What Today's Parents May Be Getting Right
Now, before someone accuses me of wanting to bring back every parenting practice from the 1940s and 1950s, let me make something clear.
We didn't get everything right.
In my generation, children were sometimes told to stop crying, keep quiet, and never question an adult.
Feelings were often dismissed as weakness.
Some children grew up afraid to tell their parents when something was terribly wrong.
That wasn't strength. That was silence.
Today, many parents are more willing to listen to their children, recognize emotional struggles, and take bullying and mental health seriously.
Those are good changes.
A child should be able to tell a parent, "I'm scared," without being ridiculed.
A boy should be able to cry without being told he isn't acting like a man.
And a girl should grow up knowing that her opinions, ambitions, and abilities matter.
Compassion isn't weakness. Understanding isn't surrendering authority.
The Difference Between Love and Overprotection
I believe one of the greatest mistakes a parent can make is confusing love with making life easy.
Real love sometimes means saying no.
It means allowing a child to experience the consequences of a poor decision.
It means teaching responsibility before demanding privileges.
It means giving children chores, expecting honesty, and holding them accountable for their behavior.
But it also means listening.
It means recognizing that children are individuals, not little soldiers who must obey every command without question.
Discipline should teach, not humiliate.
Correction should guide, not destroy confidence.
And consequences should prepare children for life rather than simply punish them for making mistakes.
The goal isn't to raise children who are afraid of their parents.
The goal is to raise adults who can stand on their own two feet.
What Eight Decades Have Taught Me
I've lived through the Great Depression's aftermath, World War II's aftermath, the Korean War era, Vietnam, the rise of television, the computer revolution, and now artificial intelligence.
I've watched several generations of children grow into adults.
And one thing hasn't changed.
Every generation believes the next generation has it easier.
My parents probably thought my generation was spoiled.
My generation thought our children had it easy.
And today, people look at grandchildren and wonder how they'll ever survive in the real world.
But the world our grandchildren are growing up in is different.
They face pressures we never imagined: social media, online bullying, constant comparison, and technology that follows them everywhere.
We may have faced more physical hardship in some respects.
They may face more psychological pressure in others.
Neither experience should be dismissed.
The answer isn't to return to every harsh practice of the past.
Nor is it to remove every challenge from childhood.
We need to combine yesterday's responsibility with today's understanding.
What Does the Bible Teach?
As a Christian, I believe parents have a responsibility that goes far beyond keeping children fed, clothed, and entertained.
Proverbs 22:6 tells us:
"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." — KJV
Notice that Scripture speaks of training a child.
Training involves teaching, correcting, encouraging, and preparing.
It doesn't mean making every decision for them.
And Ephesians 6:4 reminds fathers not to provoke their children to wrath, but to bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
There's a balance in those two passages.
Discipline without love can produce resentment.
Love without boundaries can leave children unprepared.
But love combined with responsibility can build character.
Lesson Learned at 82
At 82 years old, I don't believe children need harsher parents.
I believe they need stronger guidance.
They need adults who will love them enough to listen, but also love them enough to say no.
They need opportunities to fail, learn, recover, and try again.
They need responsibilities appropriate for their age.
And they need to know that their value as human beings doesn't disappear when they make a mistake.
We shouldn't raise children to be hard. We should raise them to be strong.
There's a difference.
Hard people sometimes lose their compassion.
Strong people can face difficulty without losing their humanity.
If we can teach our children both resilience and kindness, perhaps we'll raise a generation better equipped for life than any generation before it.
And wouldn't that be something worth celebrating?
Let's Talk About It
Do you believe today's children are being raised too soft, or are today's parents doing a better job of understanding their children's needs?
Were the parenting methods of the 1950s and 1960s better, or have we learned some important lessons since then?
I'd especially like to hear from parents, grandparents, and teachers.
Join the conversation at mikesobservations.com.
Michael Cunningham Sr.
82 Years — 82 Lessons
Eight Decades of Faith · Service · Adventure · A Life Well Lived
