After 82 years of living, I have learned something that seems almost old-fashioned today:
Character still matters.
It matters when nobody is watching.
It matters when telling the truth costs you something.
It matters when keeping your word becomes inconvenient.
And it especially matters when you could get away with doing otherwise.
I have lived long enough to watch the world change in ways I never could have imagined as a boy.
I have watched technology transform how we work, communicate, travel, and live.
But human nature hasn't changed nearly as much.
People still want to know:
Can I trust you?
Character Is Who You Are When Nobody Is Watching
When I was young, a man's word meant something.
If he shook your hand and said he would do something, you expected him to do it.
There wasn't always a contract.
There wasn't an email trail.
There weren't lawyers standing behind every agreement.
Sometimes there was nothing but a handshake and a promise.
Was everybody honest back then?
Of course not.
There have always been dishonest people.
But there was a strong understanding that your reputation followed you.
Once people learned that your word couldn't be trusted, rebuilding that trust was difficult.
That hasn't changed.
Your Reputation Is Built One Decision at a Time
Character isn't something you suddenly develop when a crisis arrives.
It is built quietly.
One decision at a time.
You build it when you tell the truth even though a lie would be easier.
You build it when you return something that doesn't belong to you.
You build it when you keep a promise nobody could force you to keep.
You build it when you admit:
"I was wrong."
Those may be three of the hardest words in the English language.
I've had to say them more than once.
After 82 years, I've had plenty of opportunities to be wrong.
Ask my wife. She probably kept records.
Money Can't Buy Character
During my lifetime, I have met people with money and people without it.
I have known successful businessmen, oilfield workers, Marines, preachers, photographers,
laborers, and people struggling just to get by.
One lesson became very clear:
Character has nothing to do with the size of your bank account.
A poor man can possess tremendous character.
A wealthy man can have none.
Education doesn't guarantee it.
A title doesn't guarantee it.
A uniform doesn't guarantee it.
Standing behind a pulpit doesn't guarantee it.
Character comes from the choices we make.
The Marine Corps Reinforced That Lesson
The Marine Corps taught me many things.
Discipline.
Responsibility.
Loyalty.
Doing your job when you were tired, cold, hungry, or simply didn't feel like doing it.
But underneath all those lessons was something bigger:
Other people were depending on you.
That changes the way you think.
Your actions don't affect only you.
That lesson followed me long after I took off the uniform.
It followed me into marriage.
Into raising a family.
Into business.
Into the oilfield.
Into ministry.
And into everyday life.
Character Matters Most When It Costs Something
It is easy to be honest when honesty benefits us.
The real test comes when honesty costs us.
Will you tell the truth if you might lose money?
Will you keep your promise when a better opportunity comes along?
Will you defend someone who isn't there to defend himself?
Will you admit a mistake when you could blame somebody else?
Will you do the right thing when nobody would ever know if you didn't?
That's where character lives.
Not in speeches.
Not in slogans.
In decisions.
Character and Faith
As a Christian, I believe character goes even deeper.
The Bible says:
"A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches." — Proverbs 22:1
There is a tremendous amount of wisdom in those few words.
Money can disappear.
Businesses can fail.
Possessions can burn.
Titles eventually belong to somebody else.
But the kind of person you were leaves a mark on other people.
Jesus repeatedly taught that what is inside a person eventually reveals itself through his actions.
We can fool people for a while.
We cannot fool God.
Our Children Are Watching
One thing becomes clearer as you grow older:
People remember how you lived more than what you told them.
Children especially.
We can lecture them about honesty, responsibility, faith, kindness, and hard work.
But they're watching what we actually do.
They notice how Dad treats Mom.
They notice how Mom talks about other people.
They notice whether we keep promises.
They notice whether our Sunday faith follows us home on Monday.
Eventually, our example speaks louder than our advice.
You Will Make Mistakes
Character doesn't mean perfection.
If perfection were required, every one of us would be in trouble.
I have made mistakes.
Some small.
Some expensive.
Some I wish I could go back and change.
But character isn't never falling.
Sometimes character is what you do after you fall.
Do you admit it?
Do you apologize?
Do you make it right when possible?
Do you learn from it?
And do you get back up?
There is character in saying:
"I messed up. I was wrong. Let me make it right."
At 82, I Know What Really Lasts
At my age, you begin looking at life differently.
Things that once seemed terribly important don't seem quite as important anymore.
You realize you can't take your house with you.
You can't take your money.
You can't take your automobile.
You can't take your awards, titles, or possessions.
But you can leave something behind.
Your name.
Not simply the name printed on your birth certificate.
The meaning people attach to that name.
Was he trustworthy?
Was he faithful?
Did he keep his word?
Did he help people?
Did he stand for something?
Did he love his family?
Did he love God?
Was he the same person in private that he claimed to be in public?
Those questions matter.
Lesson Number Whatever-I'm-On
I'm calling this series 82 Years – 82 Lessons, although at 82 I reserve the right to occasionally lose count.
That's another privilege of getting older.
But this lesson deserves a place near the top:
Guard your character.
You can lose money and earn more.
You can lose possessions and replace them.
You can lose a job and find another.
But once people lose confidence in your word, rebuilding it can take years.
So tell the truth.
Keep your promises.
Admit your mistakes.
Treat people fairly.
Stand by your family.
Help somebody who can't repay you.
Do the right thing even when nobody applauds.
And when nobody is watching, remember:
God is.
After 82 years, I still believe character matters.
In fact, I believe it matters more than ever.
— Michael Cunningham Sr.
82 Years – 82 Lessons
