After nearly six decades of marriage, I suppose I’ve earned the right to say I’ve learned a few
things about being a husband.
Notice I said learned. I didn’t say I had mastered it.
There is an old saying that a husband can be right, or he can be happy.
When I was younger, I probably would have argued with that statement. Today, I just smile and say,
“There’s more truth in that than most young husbands realize.”
Marriage has taught me lessons that no school could have taught me. Some came through wonderful times. Others came through disagreements, disappointments, financial struggles, raising children, sickness, loss, and simply learning how to grow older together.
And through it all, I have learned that a good marriage isn’t built in a day. It is built one ordinary day
at a time.
Love Is More Than a Feeling
When you are young and in love, romance comes pretty easily. You think love is candlelight dinners,
holding hands, flowers, kisses, and saying, “I love you.”
Those things are wonderful.
But after enough years, you discover that real love often looks much more ordinary.
Love is getting up when you would rather stay in bed because something needs to be done.
It is sitting beside your wife when she is sick.
It is listening to a story you may have heard before.
It is forgiving each other.
It is worrying together, praying together, laughing together, and sometimes simply sitting quietly together.
Feelings change.
Commitment says, “I am still here.”
Listen More Than You Talk
Now, this lesson took me a while.
A man has a natural tendency to want to fix things.
Your wife tells you about a problem, and immediately your mind goes to work:
“Well, here’s what you need to do…”
Sometimes she doesn't want an engineer, mechanic, counselor, or troubleshooter.
Sometimes she just wants her husband to listen.
I've learned that one of the greatest gifts you can give your wife doesn't cost a dime.
Give her your attention.
Put down whatever you're doing, look at her, and listen.
Not Every Hill Is Worth Dying On
There are disagreements worth having.
There are principles worth standing for.
And then there are arguments about where somebody put the television remote.
Learn the difference.
One of the secrets to a long marriage is discovering that you don't have to win every argument.
In fact, sometimes you can win the argument and lose something much more important.
That's where that old saying comes in again:
A husband can be right, or he can be happy.
I'm not saying a husband should never disagree with his wife. I'm saying wisdom teaches you
which disagreements actually matter.
Pride has started a lot of arguments that love could have ended.
Learn to Say “I Was Wrong”
Those may be three of the hardest words in the English language for a man to say.
“I was wrong.”
Four more aren't much easier:
“I'm sorry. Forgive me.”
But those words can save days of hurt feelings and unnecessary silence.
I've learned that apologizing doesn't make a man weak.
Sometimes it takes far more strength to admit you were wrong than to keep defending
yourself when you know perfectly well you weren't right.
And husbands, here's another little piece of advice:
When your wife says, “Nothing's wrong,” proceed carefully.
You may be entering dangerous territory.
Marriage Is a Partnership, Not a Competition
Your wife is not your opponent.
If she loses, you don't win.
If you hurt her just to prove your point, both of you lose.
A husband and wife should be standing on the same side, facing life's problems together.
There have been times in our marriage when one of us was stronger than the other. That's
part of marriage.
Sometimes I carried more of the load.
Sometimes she did.
That's what partners do.
Don't Wait Until Tomorrow to Appreciate Her
This may be one of the most important lessons I've learned.
We spend so much of our younger years assuming there will always be another tomorrow.
There will be another anniversary.
Another Christmas.
Another birthday.
Another morning together.
But when you get into your eighties, you begin looking at time differently.
You realize how precious an ordinary morning can be.
You become thankful for things you once took for granted—the person sitting across the table,
the familiar voice in the next room, the hand you have held for decades.
If you love your wife, tell her today.
Don't assume she knows.
Keep God in Your Marriage
Of everything I've learned, this matters most.
Two imperfect people cannot build a perfect marriage.
There will be mistakes. There will be disappointments. There will be times when patience runs thin.
That's when grace becomes important.
Pray for your wife.
Pray with your wife.
Ask God to help you become the husband you should be instead of spending all your time asking
Him to change your wife.
Marriage becomes different when you stop asking, “What am I getting out of this?” and start asking,
“How can I serve the person God has given me to love?”
Grow Old Together—and Keep Laughing
Growing older isn't always easy.
Bodies change. Energy changes. Plans change.
But something beautiful happens when two people can look back across decades and realize:
We made this journey together.
We raised a family.
We faced hard times.
We celebrated good times.
We made mistakes.
We forgave each other.
We laughed.
We cried.
We prayed.
And we're still here.
After all these years, I certainly don't have all the answers about marriage.
But I know this much:
Choose love over pride.
Choose forgiveness over resentment.
Choose listening over lecturing.
Choose laughter whenever you can.
Choose your wife again and again.
And gentlemen, when all else fails, remember the wisdom that comes from generations of
married men:
You can be right…
or you can be happy.
At this stage of life, I've discovered that happy isn't such a bad choice.
— Michael Cunninghah Sr.
